S.B.I. REPORT
TOP SECRET Investigation
of
Scrapano Gang
The First Scrapbook Website of its Kind is Coming Soon
Over the last nine months a top secret investigation has been underway into the underground world of scrapbooking and a group now being called the Scrap-ano Gang. The culprit behind certain rumors certain to send a scrap-wave into the scrapbooking community has been a little known company named Green Sneakers. It appears they have assembled an extraordinary group of digital street-toughs, scrapbook designers, seedy craft and scrapbook industry veterans, hooligan programmers, and venture capitalist subversives to create a soon-to-be-revealed website that may very well be the first of its kind on the internet.
And just like a baby growing in utero for nine months with anxious parents eagerly awaiting its arrival, so too their nine month scrapbook baby is just about ready to enter the world as well. It appears everyone involved has been sitting on their tongues dying to share the news, but have been held in utmost secrecy. Some have even been held in sequestered offices unable to mingle with the public. Rumors of foul play involving the disappearance of one digital designer have also been alledged.
S.B.I. Investigation Reveals Background Information
For those of you unfamiliar with Green Sneakers their “first baby” 
became known as the world’s fastest envelope template – the one that doesn’t require weapons like scissors or pencils for tracing – it goes by the name Kreate-a-lope Envelope Maker, aka “Cool Handmade-Lope.” This little wonder was invented by accident, found itself in the mysterious workings of underground kingpin, “Coincidence” and landed on QVC in 1995 like a pair of cement shoes.
Top secret files indicate that over a million templates have been sold since that time in a span of over 200 television appearances in four countries and through 14,000 stores in 22 countries. As a result of this ‘revolutionary’ little template the inventor of the Kreate-a-lope and GreenSneakers’ founder, Nick Romer, aka “TV Boy,” has been quoted, “I’m dumbstruck to find myself as the longest running craft personality on QVC – far from what I envisioned for myself when I was low man on a chain gang selling energy conservation during the day and fixing up houses at night when the Kreate-a-lope first came to me.” But he’s no dummy. Beware of this crafty, glue gun toting paper ripping “I’m ready for my close-up” dirtbag.
Digital Scrapbooking Takes Scrapbooking Industry by Storm
“TV Boy” is on the Loose
But enough about the past, the future is at stake. It appears subversive activities have been going on in the area of innovation. This little company with a big TV presence doesn’t like to follow. They like to lead. Service to others, all the good things yada yada.
Hours of illegal phone taps by the Administration have been leaked from this underworld, “One day I was in a conversation with a well traveled scrapbooker on the lam for using an acid based glue on a photograph,” the voice continues, “and she mentioned digital scrapbooking.”
“That’s all I needed to hear and dove in thinking we would be first and bought about a hundred domain names like digitalscrapbookkits.com – a good one – and yourmammaswebsite.com – a ridiculous waste of money that was abandoned faster than yesterday’s paper patterns.”
After a scuffle in the background and a break in the tapes, the voice goes on to say, “But through this process I soon learned about the digital scrapbooking world and how it was already underway with or without my awful domain names. This fascinating ‘niche’ - as the industry veterans are now calling it, I learned, is one of the fastest growing segments of scrapbooking.”
Is it true? Is TV Boy on the loose with something new? We investigated further….
Profile: The Digital Scrapbooker
Be on the lookout. Investigative research revealed a whole segment of shady no-gooders,
low-lifes, shut-ins and the like. Digital Scrapbookers - filth. This is what we discovered about these angry co-conspirators:
- Digital Scrapbookers are smart. They LOVE free stuff!
- Digital Scrapbookers think they can just Ctrl C and Ctrl V everything. They see something in the distance and they think they can just “Zoom-in.” When they drop their favorite vase they think they can hit the “undo” button. They see billboards and can name the font. They would prefer a Wacom tablet over jewelry for their birthdays.
- Digital Scrapbookers want to share their digital work but all the photo sharing possibilities available to them are complicated to use, open to the public, and/or inundated with advertisements. They want to share their scrapbook pages in a place of their own that is easy to use.
- Most Digital Scrapbookers don’t want to learn computer programming like html.
- The average Digital Scrapbooker buys at least three kits a month at a cost of about $5 each
Profile: The Paper Scrapbooker
There’s no shortage of chatters in this seedy crew. Two Peas, you name it. VICIOUS!
Conventions – the buzz around the make-and-take table is enough to curl your paper.
Proceed with caution, this group of co-conspirators is armed and dangerous, they’ll deckle you! Read entire profile completely before attempting to approach any of these types.
- Paper scrappers secretly want to sell all their stuff on ebay and join an online gang.
- Despite their tough outward appearance, over 60% of paper scrappers suffer from “Scra-phobia” – the fear of getting a paper cut.
- The paper scrapbooker wishes they could share their photos with family and friends in a digital scrapbook but without the hassle of buying software, downloading kits, and the torture table known as “the learning curve.”
- Paper Scrapbookers love the look of scrapbooking online but digital kits sound complicated.
- They have tons of paper pages that they would like to share on the web.
|
SPY PHOTOS Reveal Plot
The entire subversive scrapbooking community believes that a new website launch is inevitable. TV Boy can’t be stopped.
.
In the words of one unnamed message boarder, “It appears as if an imminent wave effecting all scrapsurfers is on the horizon.”
.
SPY PHOTOS reveal for the first time a plot to enhance the world of scrapbooking:
.
   .
|
|
It appears the renegades are prepared to give the co-conspirators everything they want:
|
|
I want to be notified regarding the underground activities of TV Boy and the Scrapano Gang. I understand that by including my info I will be subjected to free stuff, discounts, and laughs. I further understand that under no circumstances will my name be disclosed to the authorities or any other unauthorized parties as warranted by the witness protection program of The Scrapbooking Bureau of Investigation.
Don’t forget to check your mail box!
UPDATE: 4/3/06 FREE STUFF DOWNLOADS EXPIRED.
UPDATE: 4/3/06 FREE STUFF DOWNLOADS EXPIRED. |
Stakeout Planned
Phone taps from several hours ago lead investigators to believe that the target location will be announced within days. If you’re on the list you will be in the know.
Recently Captured
“Acid”
Serving a life sentence for yellowing, cracking and
peeling paper in 474 countries. Responsible for ruining
millions of scrapbooks and photographs.
Still on the Loose
“Scrapella”
Wanted for the crimes of causing painful paper cuts, purposely
mismatching color palettes, creating chaos at overnight crops,
and hijacking a truckload of shimmer sheets in Austin, Texas.
Ex-girl-fiend of TV Boy.
Posted by admin as Digital Scrapbooking, Scrapbooking, Wanted, Captured at 3:56 PM EST